cannibalism
Unless you've ever gone on an expedition or crashed in the Andes, you don't know what human flesh tastes like. Strangely, this question has creeped into the minds of normal people more often than is comfortable, so why not answer it once and for all.

If you truly need to know what your best friend, grade school teacher or next door neighbour tastes like, there is no better person to ask than someone who has the experience. A few cannibals throughout history and a British TV host know exactly what human flesh tastes and smells like when it's cooked. So, let's find out what they've said.


Filet Mignon

There is no modern cannibal - arguably - as notorious as Jeffrey Dahmer. He killed nearly 20 people, mostly young boys, and often cooked and ate their flesh so they could "become a part" of him. He was eventually beaten to death in prison by a guy who thought of himself as Jesus, but before he left Earth, Dahmer had hours worth of testimony and interview footage describing the murders and his appetite.

Dahmer described the taste of human flesh as similar to a cut of beef called filet mignon. Filet mignon is cut from the area around a cow's spine and is often described as tender, juicy and delicious. Dahmer admitted to using a meat tenderizer to make his victims more tender, before cooking and seasoning them with salt and pepper.


Beef And Veal

An author named William Seabrook visited an African cannibal tribe in 1931 and admitted to trying human meat during his expedition. In his book, Jungle Ways, Seabrook described human flesh as tasting like veal, which is young cow meat.

An Egyptian model named Omaima Nelson killed her husband and ate him in 1991. She described the taste of his flesh as very sweet and tender, similar to what you would find in a restaurant. Some meat-lovers often describe veal and some game meats as sweet, but it's unclear what kind of meat Nelson thought her husband tasted most like.

A man named Dorangel Vargas hunted and ate people in the Andes during the 1990s. He used their meet in stew which he allegedly described as very similar to beef stew.


Lamb/Mutton

In 2014, a Norwegian man underwent hip replacement surgery and was allowed to take home his own body part, where he cooked and ate it. His name was Alexander Selvik Wengshoel and he described the taste of his own meat as similar to wild sheep.


Pork

The most common description of human flesh usually ends up somewhere close to pork. A bit salty, sometimes sweet and not too gamey.

Armin Weiwes, the infamous internet cannibal from 2002, posted on a dating website seeking a man to eat. He eventually found a victim and described his flesh as similar to pork, but slightly more bitter.

In 1822, Alexander Pearce escaped from an Irish prison along with seven other killers and thieves. Eventually Pearce butchered his fellow convicts and dined on one or two of them. He described them as "better than pork". To this day, no one really knows if Pearce was telling the truth about his forays into cannibalism.

A man named Arthur Shawcross killed a young boy and girl in 1972. In prison, he bragged about eating human meat while in Vietnam, as well as eating the meat of his two victims. He compared the taste of overcooked human meat to the burnt end of a pork roast.

In the book Keep The River On Your Right, author Tobias Schneebaum describes his experience in the jungles of Peru with a cannibal tribe. Reluctantly tasting some undercooked human flesh, Schneebaum described it as "a little bit" like pork.

Just last year, a British show called BritLab's The Secret Of Everything  sent one of its hosts to have a piece of his thigh removed so it could be cooked. Since cannibalism is illegal in Britain, the host's meat could only be cooked and smelled for specific aromas. The smell of his cooked flesh was described as somewhere between lamb and pork.


So, there you have it. Pork seems to be the most commonly described meat when it comes to comparing the taste of human flesh. Enjoy your next trip to the supermarket.
       January 2017 | Augustus